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An Illustrated Map of the Heart (2021)

by Mind Furniture

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1.
Nobody chooses to fall in love, it just happens. It’s not a head thing, it’s a heart thing, dammit. I’d never choose to go through this hell, no, I’d never want it without someone else. I just went on a ride by myself. Once again, a ride by myself. I just went on a ride by myself and I’m coasting to a stop. I can’t wait, I can’t wait to get off. I thought she’d notice I lost seven pounds in one week, or how I bit my tounge each time I tried to speak. Don’t want to scare her, I can’t let on, no. But by now, any idiot would know... I just went on a ride by myself... I only had one chance. I gave it my best try, and you told me goodbye and walked out in the rain. And I’ve been thinking ‘bout what I said, and how it differed from what you heard, and how I might have used different words, and how things might have changed If I could only explain, if you would only listen. I would show you my heart and you would see what you were missin’. If I could only explain, if you would only hear me, maybe you’d understand and you would want to be near me. You said I was cocksure. You said I had no doubt, and that left you no outs. But that’s not how I feel. ’Cause I’m not sure about nothin’, except these feelings I’m having, and this hope that keeps stabbing that maybe this is real If I could only explain... I can’t wait ‘til my socks match again, and I can’t wait ‘til I’m nice to my friends again. I’m just waiting for my whole world to stop spinning round and round and round… ’til my feet touch the ground.
2.
I’m underneath the world, hanging on by a thread. Would I be better dead, well I wonder? I’m underneath the world. I feel its weight on my back. I hear my own bones crack asunder. Why, O Lord, do we have to hurt? I’m underneath the world, planet blocks the sun, eclipses everyone I turn to. I’m underneath the world, the stars don’t seem to care. They twinkle and they stare, but they burn, too. Why... And I don’t want to hear that it’s part of some plan. And I don’t want to hear that I just can’t understand. ‘Cause that’s no use, it’s just a lame-ass excuse for an excuse. And that’s fine if you’re dying, but hear me now, I ain’t buyin’. I’m underneath the world, toyed with and estranged from every god that’s been named in history. I’m underneath the world, and I won’t pick up the phone. I’ll face the universe alone, and its mystery Why…
3.
I’m so tired of being lonely. I’m so tired of being sad. I know what I’ll do to console me. Here’s what I think, I think I’ll take out an ad. She must be beautiful, she must be smart. She must know the worth of a shy and tender heart. And if this sounds like you, if your heart sighs like mine. Yeah, if you think this might be you, hit “Reply.” She must like action films. She must be sweet. She must be somewhat thin and capable of eating meat. She must like moonlight strolls. She must like dogs. And if it’s not to much to ask, she must tolerate prog. And if this sounds like you... You know she loves to read. She must like beer. She must be low on drama, mood swings, and irrational fears. She knows how to make me laugh, and movies make her cry. She loves a weekend getaway, and maybe she’s a little shy. And if this sounds like you...
4.
You, you took my world by storm, and you made my icy heart feel warm. You made me feel warm. Of a million hopeless cases, I was number one. In a sea of nameless faces, yours was the face of the sun. And I don’t know why, you chose to shine in my sky. You, you stop the world with one arched brow. And you collapse the past and future now. You make it all now. Okay, I was looking, but I didn’t think I’d find. So okay, I was asking, but I was flying blind. Then to my surprise, you bent and spit in my eyes. And nothing good can last, never will and never has. I’m just used to being sad. I wouldn’t know hope if it slugged me. I wouldn’t know love if it hugged me. I wouldn’t know you if you passed by fast. But the arc of the sun is slow, drying water, melting snow. Watch how the flowers face whever you go. Now that the rush has come how do I find a way to be true? Balancing well for now, how do I keep from falling, falling? Yes, I know this well. I’ll do this dance in heaven like I’ve done this dance in hell. And I pray for eyes that belie the way I feel, and this hurt to heal, and this love until I die. Now that I’ve braved the fire how do I keep on burning, burning? Nevertheless, I’ll try. I will be white and glowing embers. Yes, like Adam I fell, so I got no head for numbers and I got no soul to sell. And I pray to these starry eyes to witness here this veil of tears ’til I too soon say goodbye. Now that I know the song, how do I keep it fast to my tongue? Try to beware of the change that unbeknownst may yet distract me. Yes, I know this well... You, you make iron out of rust. And you, you made this man out of dust. You turned nothing into something grand. I don’t care where we’re going, I just want to go. Inside there are oceans, I don’t even know. Kiss me once for pleasant travel. Kiss me twice and you’ll unravel my heart.
5.
And I feel it coming on, welling up inside, no place to hide. And I feel like I was wrong, but I don’t know what I did or where my shame is hid—do you? So please, just leave me alone ’cause I can’t find my heart. So tell me, what should I do? ’Cause if I can’t find my heart, how can I give it to you? No mighty act of will, no hope, no choice, no still small voice. And it drives it deeper still when I can’t find my way clear and you say, “Babe, why aren’t you here?” So please, just leave me alone... And like a healing angel descending, like a cataclysmic ending, like a man born mute beginning to speak, your kiss upon my cheek. I know, you try to understand, but your way and mine, vinegar and wine. And you try to enter in, but I ain’t got no room for anything but tombs and tears—and fear. So please, just leave me alone...
6.
I feel like crying most of the time because I just can’t find a place that feels like home. Feels like I’m running out of time, down to my last dime, and they just keep slipping away, the things I call my own. Someone tell me who I am…Eloi, Eloi lama sabachthoni...who I am. So tell me am I a man, or am I a sham? Am I a believer, or am I damned? Am I a fag, or am I just mad? My heart is tied up in knots, and the world seems sad. Someone tell me who I am… So this is my prayer, if there’s anyone there: Why did you go and leave me, God, do you not care? My words die in the silence, they do not even reach the stars. I hope your looking over someone’s world, ’cause it sure as hell ain’t ours. Someone tell me who I am…
7.
Except for last Tuesday, I’ve kept this ring on my hand. Call it an accident, or call it masculine curiosity. Call it a gaping hole in my memory. The last thing I remember I was nursing a tonic and gin, when suddenly a stranger with evil eye and wicked grin. And all that I can recall is a flash of wet and steaming skin, and not a trace of who it was or where we’d been. And when I came to, I had this new tattoo, and I was lying there, nude, in a bed of sticky sheets in the motel down the street. Except for last Tuesday, I am forever your man...
8.
I love the way your hair looks real. I love your wallet and your buns of steel. I love the way you trip the lights surreal, but I hate the way you make me feel. I love the way your nails go deep. Admired your freestyle down at lover’s leap. I love your courage facing this ordeal, but I hate the way you make me feel. I’m a woman, you’re a man. I’m just doin’ the best I can. I’m not saying you’re not the one. I’m just saying it on the run. I do believe in the cosmic joke, the sacred prankster, and the holy smoke. I dig the way you cracked those seven seals, but I hate the way you make me feel. I love the way you bit my ear. You made me drive then wouldn’t let me steer. I love the grace you say at every meal, but I hate the way you make me feel.
9.
I Broke It 07:25
Run, run run away. Too scary to stay. Too much left to say. I guess it can’t be helped. The damage is done. We felt what we felt. I broke it, I broke it, I broke it, and I can’t put it back together. I think of you every day, what we could have had if I’d let you have your say. Yeah, I suppose, shouldn’t have bloodied your nose. I shouldn’t have froze. I broke it… And you’re the best thing I ever had. And I must be fuckin’ mad. But I always broke my toys as a child, and baby I been bad. And I ain’t lookin’ back. I ain’t takin’ your crap. I heard the bones snap. Now I can’t clear my head of all the sweet things you said when I left you for dead. I broke it…
10.
It’s lonely here in the future. I got my rocket pack, I got my freeze-dried snacks, but I’m hopeless. It’s lonely here in the future. We got the speed of light, don’t have to sleep at night, but I’m hopeless ‘cause no one has figured out how to love. It’s lonely here in the future. We got the killer bees. I’ve got replacable knees, but I’m hopeless. It’s lonely here in the future. I got my video phone, but God knows I’m still alone and I’m hopeless ‘cause no one has figured out how to love. But any day, that’s a fact, I’m gonna plug in a chip for that, I won’t be broken. It’s lonely here in the future. I got a million friends online, but no one knows I’m crying ‘less I post it. It’s lonely here in the future. I could walk in space and feel less out of place than I do here ’cause no one has figured out how to love. But any day, that’s a fact, they’re gonna have an app for that, so here’s hoping.
11.
I have known real love. I have touched another soul. I’ve felt so deeply, I felt so much. I feel connected to the whole. And if I die tomorrow, well I know where I stand. I have known real love, I guess I’m just a happy man. I have known real love and been consumed in the flame. I’ve come out different, I’ve come out touched, and with a new and secret name. And if I die tomorrow, well I know who I am. I have known real love, yes and I’m a lucky man. I have known real love, I’ve been embraced with all my parts. I’ve been united, I’ve been made whole by some arcane and mystic art. And if I die tomorrow, well I might die a solitary man. But I have known real love, I’ve learned to hold to what I can.

about

Mind Furniture's third album is something in between a concept album and a rock opera. It is the story of the arc of a love affair—from loneliness to bliss, the sweet goes sour, the bitter loss...and, eventually, acceptance and appreciation. On their third outing, Mind Furniture presents their most dramatic, tuneful, and engaging album yet.

Download a complete lyric sheet at: BookHip.com/RHHZBGW

credits

released October 4, 2021

Mind Furniture is:
Jim Anderson–Fretted & Frettless Bass and Guitar
Brett Barnett–Keyboards & Orchestration
John Mabry–Vocals & Acoustic Guitar
Greg Miller–Drums & Percussion

Musical Guests:
Vocals: Anne Feinsod–8
Flute & Background vocals: Tom Emanuel–3, 4
Guitars: Stan Cotey–1, 4, 11; Nick Karch–2, 9;
Paul Keller–3, 5, 6; Jack McLoughlin–1, 2, 9;
Dave Nachmanoff–1; Chris Ogburn–10; Merdad Parsey–10
Barrelhouse Jazz Band–8: Joel Jacobson, Art Wood, Chuck McLain,
Vikings Jacobson, Margaret McElwain, Jim Lockie-Brown, Walt Lee, Al Flood

Credits & Notes:
All songs by Mind Furniture except 3 by Mind Furniture & Bill Estes.
Barrelhouse Jazz Band recorded at the Music Annex by Chris Cooper.
Principal recording and final stem editing done in Brett’s garage.
Engineered by Brett Barnett; mixed and mastered by Mat Kesselman.
Map of the Heart artwork by Carol Bierach.

www.mindfurniture.net | © 2021 by Mind Furniture

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Mind Furniture Los Gatos, California

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